I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
