somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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