nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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