just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
