Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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