So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
