Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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