WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
