Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
BRING THE BAGELS
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
