he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
