I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
