I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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