a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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