sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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