I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
