if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
