My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
