I can text with my tongue
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
