If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
