He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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