Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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