I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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