Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
