I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
