How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
