apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
