Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
