I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize