At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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