Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
