I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
