Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
