Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
