it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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