Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
