I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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