jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
