yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
