i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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