I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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