Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
