This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
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Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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