I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
