my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
