please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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