I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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