i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
