Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
