wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
