If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
