ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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