If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
