so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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