i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize