It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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