u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She bit a glass in half.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
