so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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