xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
