I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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