I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
