I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
