Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
