Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
