something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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