I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
