theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
