i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
