That's when you crack a 10am beer
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need to sanitize my soul.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
