Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
